Convicted

Today I am convicted. Deeply convicted.

For the past 4 or 5 years I have had what I call a growth spurt, spiritually. Growing up, I was taught that everyone has a gift that God gives them. My dad was a preacher so that his gift wasn't a secret...in my mind. My mom was and still is a gifted teacher. Both of them taught us to be servants always and give all that you can. There was never much of a focus on gifts though and actually I would say that I didn't understand the purpose of gifts. My parents pretty much made us the 'doers' of the church and so I just thought I had to do everything for everyone. That is what God expected. Still, I remembering trying to figure my gift out. I felt like I was 'good' and a lot of things. I cared a lot about people. I loved to talk to people and could get along very well with pretty much everyone. I struggled MAJORLY with confidence in my teen years and was too concentrated on not being seen to worry about what I might be gifted in, or even called to do for God's mission. I got married and moved to a small town in Tullahoma, Tn. My husband was much better intellectually and was an excellent student of the Bible. For sure I saw God's hand in my choice of a husband. He was just what I needed to help me be completely open to what God had in store for me. I graduated nursing school and we started attending a rather large church in town where we slowly started settling down and making friends. It is at this church that God has taught me what it means to be part of the body of Christ. I was encouraged by many to teach (including a huge shove from Mark) my first bible class and did my first 'public' speaking for a women's retreat in this church. From there I slowly learned what it is I believe God is calling me to do. I believe God has given me the gift of empowering women. I have realized over the past several years that a lot of women do not feel confident (as I did/still do) about their ability to study, lead, pray in public, and many other things that put them in the spot light in the worship/church atmosphere. Of course there are exceptions, but not many and there aren't hardly any who feel leadership from a woman alongside or over a man is acceptable. I feel a call to recognize that women have a voice and can be confident, knowledgeable, and leaders in the Kingdom of God. I know God doesn't call all women to lead publicly, but I know he has called some. I want to encourage women to be confident in whatever God has gifted them in, including public leadership roles. For me, empowerment has many forms like teaching class, helping women pray publicly or out loud in a small group, speaking at events(something that I enjoy but am definitely not as good as I want to be), studying with individuals and groups, and much more. Am I very mature in the development of my gift?...nope. I feel like I am just in the beginning stages. With the encouragement of my husband and several close friends, I am now willing to step out with confidence in my Lord to this thing that I know I have been called to do.

I am reading a book right now by Sara Barton that was recommended to me by a good friend. That is the motivation for this blog post. I was hooked by the end of the first paragraph, and have pretty much not stopped reading...well other than taking care of my kids:) This woman was raised in my same church of Christ tradition. This book is a testimony of what she believes God has gifted and called her to do for his mission in this world. She feels very strongly that she is gifted in preaching and teaching, and even more that God has called her for this purpose. That particular calling is extremely difficult because, well, in our tradition (for the most part) preaching and teaching (leadership-to men and women) is only for the men of the congregation. This is not an opinion for most people, it's 'truth.' That is a difficult calling to say the least. As I started to read this incredible woman's thoughts, beliefs, conflicts, successes, failures, and much more I found myself feeling happy, proud, justified, heard, and just plain excited. Her words resonated with me so deeply and before I knew it I had my (internal) boxing gloves on and was all but ready to stand up and fight for injustice that women have endured. I felt empowered and ready to express it! Then, I read the ninth chapter. I put away my boxing gloves. She shared her struggle about staying in a tradition that does not allow her to express what she believes is her gift from God. She talks about the difficulty in fully loving those who you disagree with at a very basic level. And she seems to be doing it much, much better than me. How do you worship and have relationships with those who do not allow you to express who God has made you to be in his Kingdom???? She says God answered many of her prayers with Cor 13 about love. Does it solve the gender issues in church? No. But, "love wins," she says. How? (This is convicting part for me) It doesn't envy men who are leaders or women who are content in their traditional roles. It doesn't give in to anger or record wrongs. It always perseveres, hopes, trusts.

After reading her words I was truly convicted. Does love automatically make issues that are hard to talk about go away? No. Does it mean we shouldn't discuss these issues or have a strong opinion about them? I don't think so. What I realized was that I was so worked up about women's rights and the injustice I see; I was so upset about seeing one more young man that was taught from the time he could speak about leading the church, while completely disregarding the young women; I was deeply hurt and saddened that one of my peers could not even pray in front of 3 or 4 close girl friends because of a lack of confidence and experience. I wanted to place the blame and point fingers. I have allowed all of those frustrations I have, while valid, to take control of my heart and mind. I was so focused on my own frustrations that I lost track of truly loving.

Sara's gift and my gift are not the same. But we do see the same injustice and have a lot of the same frustrations I think. I love her writing because I see myself in what she says. She is able to express a lot of my thoughts perfectly. (oh how I wish writing was a gift of mine:) How do I arrive at choosing love over envy and anger? I think it starts some where around trust that God through his spirit will teach me to love first. With God's help, I will choose to love every person as best I can. I will also fulfill his calling in my life as best I can. Not for me, but because I am a part of the Kingdom of God where love reigns first. Is that too simple? Maybe. But it's gonna be hard. But I have confidence that just as God brought me out of my struggle with confidence before, he will for sure do it again!

The Boys

It rained all morning. Both boys sat by the door watching and waiting for it to stop.

Corban doesn't understand that he can't have Aaron's nuzzy. Aaron thinks it's funny..for now.

He scrunches his nose when he smiles just like his mama:)

I sure do love my two boys!

Sunshine

We are SO glad to see the sun the past few days. We were able to be outside all yesterday afternoon and most of the day today:) We are all smiles at the Adams house.

Corbs 8 months

Corban I have been waiting for 2 weeks to write this post. There is so much that is happening right now in your little world that I have almost posted this early. Here is what we have been seeing you do this past month...

-Your light brown hair that is getting fuller and longer now. Your beautiful blue eyes is the first thing people say about you when they see you.
-Everyone says you give expressions like your big brother and the chubbier you get the easier it is to see the resemblance between you and Aaron. But my son, you are definitely your own person and have your own little expressions. I am loving watching this develop more and more the older you get.
-You are waving pretty much on command now. Sometimes you hesitate with strangers but you will wave if you know the person every time and usually there is some sort of babbling happening as you do it followed by a smile.
-Speaking of babbling...you are always talking. You look right at us and babble like crazy and look at us like you are actually saying something we understand. We LOVE it!
-You can say ma-ma, da-da, and of course throw a ba-ba in there too. Lots of other fun sounds and squeeks are coming out of you constantly. Including an 'unhappy, irritated' scream/squawk when you want something or your brother takes something you had. Brotherly love already...how fun!
-You are sitting up really well and are starting to scoot some. You are well know for being put down somewhere and when we look up at you, you have scooted about 5 ft in another direction. You can even go from sitting to on your belly on purpose to grab a toy. We see you attempt to get up on your knees but can't quit make yourself go anywhere yet. Mama is just fine with that:)
-Your biggest belly laughs are when Aaron is playing with you. You light up when he walks in the room and love to 'play' with him. I can see LOTS of wrestling matches on our living room carpet.
-You can sign 'more' when we ask you to...most of the time.
-You clap your hands when we say "yay" and smile really big. This is my favorite 'trick' that you do.
-You are most ticklish under your arms and your ribs.
-You nurse 3 times a day. Morning,sometime after lunch, and before bed. You will eat almost any food. Favorite foods/snacks are bananas, applesauce, green beans, puffs, and yogurt melts. You also love Ritz crackers.
-You sleep through the night pretty consistently. 7 or 7:30-about 6am(except for right now because you have a bad cold).
-You have 2 teeth. The bottom, middle two.
-You love peek-a-boo.
-Your favorite toy is Aaron's pretend snake. You use it to hit other toys. You have also discovered a love for my Tupperware cabinet.
-I feel like a broken record saying this...but you are still an easy going, happy baby. You pretty much just go with the flow take things as they come.
-This year was your first Christmas. We spent most of our time around Christmas in Melber with your grandparents and other family/friends.
-Daddy and brother are still your favorite people.

I can't believe you are 8 months old already! We love you:)

A visit to Ra Ra

Yesterday we went to visit Ra Ra in "Henser-don-ville" according to Aaron. Mark and I thought he had a meeting after work and so I took that opportunity to take the boys to eat lunch at Raich's school and dinner before we headed home. Aaron always loves going to Ra Ra's and Corban just went with the flow...as usual. We had a great time and as excited about going back soon....Thursday actually. Mark and I are going to the UK/Vandy game and Raich is keeping the boys:) Thanks for a great day Ra Ra. Can't wait to see you Thusday.

Preschool practice

2 posts in 2 days...I'm improving fast:)

My mom got Aaron some preschool and kindergarten workbooks in his stocking this year and today Aaron asked to work in them. He did several sheets on identifying patterns and then we moved onto tracing. Unknowningly I skipped over the maze section because I didn't think he could do it yet. WRONG! He made sure I knew I skipped the maze page and said he wanted to do it. I read him the directions and told him to put his name at the top. Walked away to do something quickly and came back to everything totally completed. Guess I was wrong. Guess I shouldn't underestimate him.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

Ok so I'm a little behind on my blogging since before Christmas. No excuse, just laziness I guess. Here is a short update on the events leading up to and including Christmas.

Mark and I celebrated our 8th anniversary. I arranged for us to be alone for dinner and cooked him a great beef tenderloin, awesome potatoes from pinterest, rolls, and apple pie and ice cream for dessert. He surprised me with diamond ear rings. Great conversation with my favorite person in the whole world. After that Aaron had his Christmas program at school which was ADORABLE! He loves to sing and did a great job. He was so proud of his school and teachers and wanted to show us everything they had done and all his friends. Soon after we spent a few days gearing up for the trip to KY where we stayed until New Year's Eve. It was wonderful to spend time with each of our families and really enjoyed our time together. I can also say we were ready to be in our own house. The boys did great and were completely happy to be carted around and sleep wherever they were put. I also LOVED having family around because that means I get to spend time at the barn and riding. It is rare now that I get to ride with Mark, so I was excited to be able to spend a few days (entire days) at the barn and riding around the farm. It took Corban a few days to get used to all different faces but was able to get to know them very quickly. Life was easier in a lot of ways. But, I could tell...especially with Aaron...that it was time to get things back to normal. Being the center of attention and always having a play partner is great but can also cause an 'entitlement' syndrome in my sweet, oldest boy. We are losers for New Year's and rang in the new year with some much needed sleep. Not for long though because Aaron decided it was NOT the night to sleep and was up every 2 hours until I finally just put him in bed with us at 2:30am which was great until Corban woke up at 3am and then again at 5am and everyone was up at 6:30...unless you count when I heard Corban start stirring and talking at 6am. So much for getting home and getting some rest. Oh well...it was all worth it. I have 2 sweet, precious boys who are currently playing together on the floor and randomly look up at me and smile. Corban even says Ma-ma and Da-da. Of course not with any meaning, but that's coming. Here are a few pictures for the record of Christmas 2012:) Happy New Year ya'll.