Teach me Lord

So this is another reflection post:) Over the past few months I have literally been studying like crazy. God has also been putting people in my life who have been challenging me to get outside my comfort zone in ministry. I welcome it, really I do. I am excited and energized by new ideas and new people I meet all the time. I also find myself struggling with confidence. I am almost tempted to run the other way sometimes.
I am very thankful for my parents and their strong influence throughout my entire childhood to be about God's mission. Ministry is something we took very seriously and I believe that is where I got my zeal and drive to learn and challenge myself to know God better so I can share him with everyone. Now that I am more grown up, I have learned how to better use the gifts God has given me (and identify them better). I have struggled with confidence pretty much as long as I can remember, and while I have improved significantly in this area, it still brings its ugly self up sometimes.
I am getting ready to teach a class on Wednesday nights. I have been preparing and thinking about this class for over 6 months now. Up until now, I have been nothing but excited and very vocal to people about how awesome this study is and inviting people to come on this journey with me. Now that it is here...I am getting pretty anxious. That stupid lack of confidence is creeping its way into my head. "What if you do a sucky job, Diane?" "What if you have promoted this class too much and it's a HUGE disappointment to the people you have formed relationships with and have invited who DON'T even know Jesus.?" "You don't have very much experience teaching, other women do (or men for that matter)..let them do it." All these questions/statements and MANY more flood my thoughts and cause me to doubt. WHY!!! Seriously, why can't I just let things be. And it doesn't stop there....I even start questioning what I feel like God is calling me to do. Why would I feel such a strong call by God and feel so insecure at the same time? Why would God want to use me to do this particular thing or have these certain relationships when there is a perfectly capable (and well trained I might add) person to do it...better than me...or at least not mess it up like I would? Even more, why can't I keep those stupid thoughts OUT of my head!!!!
This afternoon my wonderful husband asked if I would lead the discussion for small group tonite. "Sure." "Ask the girl who talks too much and cries about everything right now." Not only do I start questioning myself, but now I have to lead a discussion in front of my husband who in my opinion is MUCH more intelligent than I am, and doesn't fumble over his words to get his point across. "sure honey." I started looking at the material. It's on confession. Oh good. Now I can confess to everyone and blubber through my talk. Great. Another way to show my insecurities.

STOP.

I spent some time in prayer after Mark and I talked. I read over the material and prayed some more. Instead of letting myself feel pressure to be EVERYTHING to everyone I decided to just STOP. Spending time emptying myself of all that stupid stuff that gets in my head and letting God fill me with his Spirit I was able to at least hear something other than Satan. Here is the direction I want to head:

God is not calling me because I am fluent with my words. God is not calling me because of my level of confidence. He is calling me because He is confident in me to show others who HE is and what he is about in this world. God isn't using me because I am perfect or even close. I think about His story in scripture. God isn't about using those who have it all together. He uses the broken. He uses the imperfect. I realize that those thoughts that flood my brain are too much about ME and not enough about HIM. Let God do his thing. He is good at it.

So my prayer today is for God to give me confidence. Not in my own abilities, but in His. He chose to put a fire in my that is just getting stronger and stronger every day. I need to trust that. I want His ways to be my ways and I want to get all of those thoughts that produce doubt OUT of my head. I pray for all of this pressure to be released and have peace. I want people to see me living Jesus and not just talking about him. I'm working on it...God's working on me!

First Day of school

Today was Aaron's first day of school. He was so excited that he wore his backpack the entire morning.

Trail Ride 2013

Well, we are back from another 9 Day Trail Ride trip. We had an excellent year this year and had NO serious accidents or problems. The weather was PERFECT! It was in the 80's most of the week and there was a breeze almost every day that made riding very enjoyable. Aaron and Corban took almost every ride every day no matter then length. Corban took a day or so off because of an ear infection but was right back in the saddle with his Papa after that. His longest ride was 7 hours! Aaron was riding his own horse by the end of the week (this mama was slightly nervous about that) and did great. He rode a very sweet, and very gentle mare who he named Mary/Suzie/or Sally, depending on which day it was. He has become and riding fool and is so proud that he can ride by himself. We had such a great time together and can't wait til next year. We will be adding a little girl to the mix!

14 months

Corban you are 14 months old. I finally got around to getting your 1 year pictures taken. You are a beautiful little boy! Your vocabulary is growing daily. We are looking forward to the trail ride next weekend:)

Happy 13 months Corban!

So I'm a few weeks late with my 13mo post, but we have been staying pretty busy around here this summer. Corban is growing and changing daily. He is walking really well now and trying to run. He says a lot of words now and LOVES to be outside. He has discovered a love for riding horses with daddy. Trail Ride here we come!

Adams update

I thought I would take some time to update the blog on what is going on with our busy family. And it is just that...busy. Summer has arrived and so has the heat. We are spending lots of time playing in the water. The boys are changing every day I feel like. Aaron is so grown up and FULL of questions. Corban is walking pretty well now and is becoming quite the social bug. He is very friendly and his scrunchy little nose will make pretty much anyone laugh. He knows it too! He has also entered the separation anxiety phase of life. My pregnancy is going by so fast. If I wasn't still having some stomach problems I would forget that I was pregnant. We will find out the gender next month. Which means the pregnancy will be half over then. Ahhhh! Today I found out that I had lost several pounds this past month so I got an order to gain some weight. That is a first for me but I don't think that's going to be a problem:) I have had a hard time accepting that our family is going to add another baby. Slowly, I have started to get used to the idea and starting to get excited about our little surprise to be here!

VBS has just ended and Summer series will start next week. This is the first year Aaron has really gotten the idea of VBS and I have really enjoyed seeing things through his eyes. It's so exciting to hear him talk about the different people he met and the lessons he learned about God. Corban wasn't as excited because the nursery isn't his favorite place. Other than the singing, it wasn't that positive of an experience for him.

Our prayer group has split into 2 groups now. I am enjoying having a smaller group and love that we have added new people to the group. My group is reading a new book together and I feel like we are being challenged every week to get out of our comfort zones to see what God will do with us. I love these girls and their desire to follow Jesus. It is such an encouragement for me to hear their needs, troubles, successes, and aspirations as we work together to further the kingdom. I pray we can continue to grow and have confidence in God's blessings. I am also getting more and more exciting about a class that I am going to be teaching this fall on Wednesday's nights. It has been awhile since I have taught a Bible class and I 'feel the call' again. This time I plan on teaching the book of Mark. I am excited for several reason. First, the study time is so fulfilling for me personally. I have been study diligently over the past several months. I have been intentional about reading the book all the way through without stopping. This story is so amazing and I feel like I see something new and interesting every time I read it. For me, someone who was raised in church, I have rediscovered Jesus. It has changed me. Secondly,I feel a call, now more than ever, to help others rediscover, or even discover for the first time, Him and what that means in their life. I want these ladies to be excited about the gospel and be able to answer the question Mark asks..."who is Jesus?" There are also several people who have expressed interest in coming to the class who have little to no experience in studying the bible or church in general. So I am excited about the dynamics of the class..but also nervous about it. I pray God is already working on their hearts and things will line up perfectly for Jesus to be seen. Can't you just feel my excitement:)

The class will end at the end of November and my due date is Dec 12th. So then it will be baby time! In Between all of that we will vacation and visit family and enjoy our time as a family of 4. So we will be busy, but a good kind of busy.

Happy summer everyone!

ONE YEAR!!!

Corbs, tomorrow you will be ONE YEAR OLD! You are such a sweet, energetic, independent, little boy and we love you so much. We are having a family party this weekend in Melber. Here are a few things I want to be sure to remember about you at 1yr.

-You LOVE horses. You try and say 'horse' but it comes out 'seez'. You can say several words (well things that sound like the word). You say "Dow" for dog; ma ma; da da; Ra Ra (your favorite word), Some kind of two syllable 'Ba' sound when you see BaBa and Bala; you try and say Aaron and it sounds similar to Ra Ra. Other than that you say 'da' and 'dis' for about everything when you point.
-You always want to go outside. Playing on the steps is your favorite. You have almost mastered going up and down by yourself. Still wipe out every now and then so I try and watch you closely, especially on the concrete.
-You are becoming VERY independent and opinionated. You especially want to feed yourself. You can use a fork and spoon decently well. You also have very little fear of things...like pools. You keep your mama on her toes!
-You eat anything and A LOT of it. I fear the teen years because of you son. This will be a Sam's loving family I think. Favorite foods are spaghetti, vanilla wafers, oatmeal, green beans and apple jacks. Like I said though...you will eat just about anything.
-You sleep through the night 7:30pm-6am. I am not a fan of the early morning, but I love that you sleep through the night. I know it will get better...so I'm pushing through.
-You love music. You definitely recognize certain songs that your brother loves and dance like crazy when you hear them. Such personality you have little boy!
-You took your first 2 steps today! Straight to your mama:) You have been able to stand by yourself for over a week now but hadn't taken any steps until today. Your daddy is in New York with Papa so he missed it:(
-You love your brother. Over the past month you two have started wrestling with each other and you are one tough boy. I love it!



This year has gone by so fast sweet Corban. We are loving having you as our son. We love you so much!