Thursday, January 12, 2017

4 months, and 2 weeks

Four months ago, Dad found out that he had Cardiomyopathy. His heart was sick, probably due to genetics. This disease process also tends to bring about another disease process called Congestive Heart Failure. That was slapped onto his chart beside the first diagnosis and the process of education and limited treatment was started. These disease processes do not get better. The prediction by doctors was that Dad would, with medication, improve and be able to lead a somewhat normal life, just limited by his level of energy as his disease progressed. About a month after his diagnosis, he collapsed at the church building one Wednesday night as we all gathered together to eat. At that time, he was transferred to Nashville and under went procedures and treatment for heart rhythm problems. He was able to be discharged, but unfortunately has very quickly deteriorated since that time. Dad is now in the ICU at St. Thomas West waiting for a new heart. His old one is basically not functioning. Mom stays in Paducah to work through the week and goes to Nashville on the weekend. Others of us are taking turns sitting with dad when mom can't be there. This is life right now. Waiting for the daily, and sometimes hourly, update on how Dad is doing and "what the doctor has said today..." Dad sits in a small room totally dependent on his people, just waiting.

2 weeks. Yesterday, the doctor told dad that his prognosis was about 2 weeks. That's 2 weeks to live. The medication that has been prolonging his life is set at it's highest dose. Dad's options: 1) a new heart and 2) a heart-mate (a device to replace the non-functioning part of his heart that will help temporarily until a heart is available). Dad has said since day 1 that he will never get a heart-mate. Complications are scary and risk of infection is high. Quality of life questioned. We are trying to get him to reconsider his position, but also understand his hesitation and don't want to take away his freedom of choice. Our hope, Dad's hope, has been pretty bipolar. Some days soaring high and we are upbeat. Some days so low, barely visible. Yesterday, for dad, it was almost gone. 2 weeks to choose life or death. Both things laden with fear. As his family; we encourage him, sit with him, cry with him, listen to him. We tell him how hopeful things really are. We text him fun pictures of the grand kids to make him smile and tell funny jokes to lighten the mood. Our church family never runs out of energy with prayers and offers to help in any way. Love. Cherish. Spiritual family.

There are times in my life when I can identify immediately when the Spirit of God is working. Not always. In fact, less often than not. Sometimes it's harder to discern. Today there was one of those smack you in the face,undeniable, no discernment needed, living, breathing, sharper than a two edged sword, Spirit-filled moment. I got a text from my brother (he's with dad right now) that the Dr. came in this morning and told Dad that he has moved to #1 on the highest list in this region available for a heart transplant. That means he's next! IF the next heart matches (that's a big IF),it's his!!! That's not the Spirit part, keep reading. I was leaving our driveway to take the kids to school when I got the text and teared up. HOPE. We see it, feel it. Huge smile! I turned around in the car (don't worry I stopped the car), and told my kids that O'Pa gets to have the next heart that becomes available! My kids know what this means. We have been very honest with them about their granddads heart and what we are hoping for. They were so excited! We all were. Then it happened. Here's the Spirit part:) I heard a tiny voice from the back seat.

"I sing praises to your name, O Lord. Praises to your name, O Lord. For your name is great, and greatly to be praised."

It was Corban. That sweet, compassionate, strong-willed, persistent little boy who frequently reminds us of the Spirits presence, was singing praises. He didn't stop.

"I give Glory to your name, O Lord. Glory to your name, O Lord. For your name is great, and greatly to be praised."

I couldn't help it. I couldn't hold back the tears. There is was. The Spirits work. Out of the mouth of babes, friends. We have hope. And we give praise to our God and His great name for his Faithful presence. That is what I am grateful for today. Faithful presence which gives hope. Dad may not get a heart in 2 weeks. I don't know what the future holds for him, for our family. I want him to get a new heart and be a live in the best,most awesome present way possible. I also want him to know that even if he suffers and stares death in the face; the Lord will be present, faithfully. In life, in death, and all the spaces in between.

Come Lord Jesus.