It has taken me a long time to write this particular post. Every time I would try and write something I would just sit and stare at the computer screen. Eventually, I just closed the computer and put it aside for another time. Tonite, I have found time and possibly the energy to go ahead and write about our upcoming change as a family.
For my entire married life, Mark and I have always said we wanted to live in Melber, Ky. Both of our families live there. An entire farm waits for us and counts on our arrival to carry on Adams Horses. Once we got married, we knew that staying in Melber wasn't our immediate plan because Mark didn't have a job there and I wanted to finish school. So the decision was made, after a job interview for us to move to Tullahoma, TN. I remember the drive to that little town 11 miles off I24. I remember so many different feelings I had then. Mostly, I remember Mark and I telling pretty much everyone we met in Tullahoma that we were only here for a short time and then we planned to move to Kentucky as soon as Mark could find a job. We took a trip back to Melber about every chance we got. Weekends, holidays, special events. I am pretty sure for the first 3 years we just pretended to live in Tullahoma. Our hearts were in Kentucky. But, we did start a few relationships in Tullahoma. Steve and Margaret Bills. Greg and Andrea Muse. Then a few years later Joel and Andrea Abrahams. Ed and Corynn Moyers, Greg and Megan McKinzie. Before I had even realized it 5 years had gone by and my relationships in Tullahoma had deepened. Now, 11 years later, there are too many names, people, to even write down that we love in this little T-town as the locals call it. I had all 3 of my children in Tullahoma. We bought our first house here. Our best friends live here. We are so blessed with our church family here.
Last month I went on my last Cedar Lane ladies retreat. As we worshiped together on the last evening, I looked around and couldn't help but sit and let tears just fall from my eyes. I hadn't even realized it, but over the past 11 years, these women had become so important to me. The love I have for them has grown into something I never expected. They loved me, matured me, supported me through some of the most important years of my life. One of the many lessons I am learning these days is that we serve a faithful God. When Mark and I were worried about moving away from family and into a town where we knew no one, God was faithful. We found family. A spiritual family who loved us through the beginning of our life together as a married couple, through the birth of each of our children, through deaths of grandparents, in our day to day life joys and struggles. God was faithful then...and He will be faithful now.
In 2 weeks we will be packing up all of our things and moving to Melber, Kentucky. Mark and I are beyond excited. Our kids are getting excited. Our family in Melber is, I think, the most excited of all of us:) I feel so blessed be able to have the opportunity to raise my children around their grandparents, great-grandmother, aunts, uncles, cousins. It's something I never had growing up and wish I had. It's what we both want. It's what we have always expected we would do. But one thing we didn't expect to happen....we will be leaving a very large part of our hearts in Tullahoma, Tn. We did not expect to feel so heartbroken to leave this place we have called home for 11 years and the only place our children know as their home. Those same fears of moving away from 'home' are now upon me once again. This time, they are fears and anxiety about leaving the very place I was scared to come to. I seem to have a never ending list of questions I am asking God these days. I don't consider myself an extremely dramatic or over emotional person normally...but I am definitely all over the place right now. I think most days I could contribute some Psalms of my own to the bible with all of my emotions swaying back and forth. One thing I am trying to constantly tell myself over and over again is that no matter what my fears, anxieties, or expectations of this move...God is faithful. And I must be faithful to his mission no matter where I live. It's so easy to stay where things are comfortable. I like comfortable, predictable, normal. But God did not call us to be comfortable. As a disciple of Christ, I will trust God and not my level of comfort or anxiety. I will not choose my comfort over mission. This move must be first a Kingdom move. What does it look like to further his Kingdom in this super small town that holds both history and future for our family? I know it will be shown to us. God is faithful.
"If You Say Go." I have been singing it over and over again these past few weeks. And I think I will be singing it a lot over the next few months!
If You say go
We will go
If You say wait
We will wait
If You say step out on the water
And they say it can't be done
We'll fix our eyes on You and we will come
If You say go
We will go
If You say wait
We will wait
If You say step out on the water
And they say it can't be done
We'll fix our eyes on You and we will come
Your ways
Are higher than our ways
And the plans that You have laid
Are good and true
If You call us to the fire
You will not withdraw Your hand
We'll gaze into the flames and look for You
If You say go
We will go
If You say wait
We will wait
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